why_i_kept_going

I have asked myself more than once why I continue doing this.

It would be easier to stop.

There is no shortage of ordinary explanations for isolated observations. Coincidence exists. Memory fails. Human beings are remarkably good at constructing patterns where none exist.

I know all of that.

In fact, I have spent more time trying to dismantle my own conclusions than I have trying to support them.

That is precisely why I have not stopped.

Every explanation I have successfully discarded has left the remaining questions slightly more difficult to ignore.

The closest analogy I have found comes from archaeology.

Imagine uncovering a few scattered sections of an ancient Roman road.

One stone tells you almost nothing. Two suggest a direction. Enough fragments eventually allow you to infer the missing sections.

At first you believe you are rebuilding the road.

Only later do you realize that roads exist because they lead somewhere.

If you continue long enough, one day you may arrive at a city no one knew was still buried.

The city was never created by the reconstruction.

It was always there.

The reconstruction merely made it reachable.

I have begun to wonder whether this index serves the same purpose.

For the moment, continuing seems to be the only intellectually honest option.